She would have liked to it go on about Zack getting lost, some of the silly things he did with his boundless energy. The puppy bouncing before he sobered- after Angeal broke his heart. She remembered that.
To hear that he had been coming back to her, to find her- she would have hid them. If she could have- helped them both hide. Made sure all three of them would have been on the run together. But Shinra...did what Shinra did.
Took care what it thought would be an embarrassment, should Zack and Cloud told their story to the media. It had lost too many first class SOLIDERs already. It was all...so, so awful.
Aerith had to close her eyes, tipping her head down. She was quiet, and her shoulders shook once. He'd been so close.
No wonder she'd felt his death.]
Cloud...
[She shook her head, and her hands squeezed his. Not as tight. But gently. So gently.]
[Cloud still doesn't know what happened to Angeal, what he did to Zack. Why Zack changed his hair that day, gave that speech that changed Cloud's life. Cloud never asked. He was too chickenshit.
There's a moment, a long moment, while Aerith bows her head, where Cloud wants to just stop here. He doesn't know if he's ready to tell her the rest. The worst part - worse even than Zack's death, which as she points out was Zack's own choice. At least Zack did it knowingly and willingly. The rest is something Cloud did to his memory. His legacy. But Aerith ought to hear what he did from him.]
I...
[His shoulders slump.]
I'm sorry. You're right, I know. I just...wish I could have helped him, at least. Supported him the way he always supported me. All I could do was sit there and listen.
[Zack's battle cries, fewer and weaker as the fight stretched on. Gunfire...so much gunfire. The sounds of Zack's pain, every bullet that pierced his armor or slipped past Buster's blade, his labored breathing by the end...that haunting cacophony, Cloud now remembers all too well.]
[Some day, Aerith will tell Cloud why she is so angry at Angeal. She can be friendly with the SOLIDER, but the fact is, she is still so very upset. For Zack's sake, not hers.
No one else saw Zack break down after, unable to do more then cry.]
No...I get it. I really do.
[Another Hans squeeze. Knowing that someone had protected you for so long? Helped you escape experiment after experiment? Was going out there to die and you couldn't do anything about it?
It hurt.]
It must have been terrible.
[And heart breaking. Zack was a first class, meant to go against armies. It must have taken...forever.]
[Much too long. It truly felt like forever to Cloud at the time. He nods a bit.]
Couldn't tell you why, but somehow by the time it was over, I was able to drag myself over to him. He really did take down the whole army on his own. He was...incredible. But...when I got to him, he was bleeding out. He told me...
[For all the things Cloud still has trouble remembering with clarity, Zack's words that day are etched indelibly in his memory. He closes his eyes as he speaks them to Aerith.]
That I'd live for the both of us. That I'd be...his living legacy. That his honor, his dreams...were mine now. He gave me his sword, and he...he smiled. And I...
[Cloud's eyes open again, but he stares into the middle distance.]
I swore I'd never forget. But...it was a promise I couldn't keep.
[It's something Cloud has never been able to do. Mourn. His mother, his hometown, Zack, Wedge and Biggs and Jessie, all of sector 7, Aerith herself...he never had a chance to mourn any of them, not really. By the time any opportunity existed at all, there was rebuilding to think about, work to do, children to take care of - but those are all excuses, he knows. He could have been grieving and moving on along with everyone else. He just...didn't. And then came geostigma, and he got so lost in despair and self-loathing that he couldn't feel anything else.
Most of all, he's never managed to mourn himself. The future that was destroyed in the flames. The years of his life - years when he should have been coming of age, maturing into an adult - taken from him, irretrievable. His sense of self, his identity, any understanding he ever had of who he was, shattered into a million pieces.
So when Aerith tugs him closer, he lets her. And when she gently wraps her arms around him, he returns it in kind, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair.]
[He needed that chance. The chance to mourn, to process. Everything happened so fast. Everything kept happening. And in a way...he was still so young. He had lost years of where he could have been making friends, hanging out with Zack, doing things that anyone growing up got to do, even in the military.
Instead, he had tragedy, again and again. It's no wonder he had sunk into pain, unable to breathe or reach out.
Aerith rubbed his back slowly, squeezing him. Trying to give him the chance he needed to breathe. Cloud...needed to breathe.
Aerith didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say to that. Nothing would make it better. But she could be here for him. Let him grieve, and encourage him to enjoy a good memory, after.]
[Cloud has no idea how long he sits there like that, holding Aerith close and being held in return - and breathing. A few silent tears escape his eyes into the curls of her hair, but only a few. How could he have lived for so long without her?
Well, arguably what he was doing wasn't really 'living.' So maybe he didn't, after all.
There's even more to tell her, so much more, but Cloud thinks maybe he's done enough confessing for one day. Maybe both of them are better off if he stops here for now. They've got time, now. He can tell her the rest later.
...they've got time now. So what does he intend to do with it?
Eventually, he draws back from the embrace slowly with a deep sigh, though he keeps his hands resting on her shoulders for a moment.]
Thanks. For...letting me dump all this on you. It probably wasn't what you were hoping for when you came over.
[It had taken so little. A bodyguard and his ward, and their lives had become intertwined.
And then she died. Maybe she had taken a part of him with her, invertingly.
But now there's a chance to heal. Though...she wouldn't be surprised if he tried to sabotage his graduation in an attempt to stay with those he sp dearly loved.
But the crying done, it seemed it was time for apologizing. Aerith shook her head, and touched his cheek. A brief, assuring touch before drawing away.]
It's better then what I thought might happen.
I was worried you wouldn't let me in.
[Silly really. But they had hurt each other, badly.]
[Cloud's confused expression confirms how silly that worry was, before it's replaced with a firm one as he shakes his head.]
Not a chance. Never. I'll always want you around, no matter what.
[He glances over at the cake for a moment - a birthday gift, but perhaps also a peace offering of a sort. He thinks about what led to their terrible argument in the first place, what he told Sephiroth and Abel about it after the fact.
Then, with a decisive air, he pushes back his stool and stands, only to approach Aerith with his hand extended for a handshake. His tone is decisive, too, but soft. Gentle.]
Name's Cloud. Cloud Strife. It's...good to meet you.
[It was silly, but it was assuring how confused Cloud looked at the very idea. And she felt herself relax at him saying that he'd want her around.
But that hand offering, the introduction...that was right. He was right. She was thoughtful for a few moments, looking at his hand up to his face.
Starting over. They weren't who they said they were, florist and bodyguard. They were more then that now, and would become so much more. Warden and Inmate.
Friend, and friend.
Aerith slid off of her stool, and took his hand, offering a firm, yet gentle shake.]
[Cloud's smile is soft. He's glad she understands, and that she agrees. He clasps her hand for a moment or two longer than a typical handshake would entail, squeezing lightly before he lets go and nods.]
Well. We should get to know each other.
[Like normal people would. But...Cloud's not entirely sure how normal people do that.]
[Her smile was soft, and she took him in. Something had eased in her chest. They'd be okay. Though...it seemed that some things didn't change, despite the years between them.
Her eyes sparkled, but she didn't laugh.]
Starving. Let's eat and we can ask each other questions.
Like...what's your favorite? Coffee? Or tea?
[Little questions. Soft questions, that would get them to know one another, bit by bit.]
[Cloud blinks, looking just a tiny bit overwhelmed at the thought of being repeatedly put on the spot and then having to come up with questions in turn, but he lets out a breath in a brief chuckle.]
Hoo boy.
[But he nods and heads for the door, opening it and waiting for her to go through first before following her out into the corridor.]
Coffee. Infantryman's best friend, y'know.
[Because they never knew when one of the higher-ups was going to act on some ridiculous whim and order a bunch of troopers to go do something immediately to satisfy it. No matter what time of night or morning it might be.]
[She smiled up at him. She thought that it would be easy but both of them...had different social tiers of how much they could handle. But she at least walked out easy enough, hands behind her back as she walked towards the dining hall.]
Hmm...coffee in the morning, tea at night. Or afternoon.
I like the little kick in the morning.
So...how do you take your coffee?
[Sorry Cloud. You're going to be pestered with the dumbest questions.]
Mm. It was kinda hectic, being a trooper. Never knew what kinda mission you'd get put on next, where it'd be, when the order would come...sometimes you'd get conflicting orders from two different departments at the same time. Just had to do your best to figure it out, which usually meant not getting a whole lotta sleep.
[It's odd, reminiscing like this about those days. When he worked for Shinra. When he was part of the problem. Before...everything. By the time he met Aerith, the person he's talking about barely existed. But then, that's why they're doing this in the first place.]
Heh. And here I thought all that bright-eyed, bushy-tailed stuff came natural to you.
Black. Sometimes a little milk, if it's shitty coffee. Takes the bitter edge off. I'm guessing...you like it on the sweeter side. Right?
It sounds like you were in a tough job. I bet a lot of troopers felt flustered when they got onto active duty.
[Though the idea of Cloud in a uniform...cute.It was funny, trying to find out about his past self, walking in the halls if a ship that was in space so far from home.
Something she thought was impossible.]
My bushy tailness is natural, thank you very much. But sometimes it needs a boost.
Especially because I'm used to awful coffee.
Maybe I just need to learn from someone how to make it right.
[Though that makes her wonder if Shinra troops would get a decent cup.]
Yeah, it could be tough. But the tough missions were the exciting ones. Half the time we were mobilized in a hurry just to stand guard at some boring as hell executive function.
[It's true, Cloud was adorable in the infantry uniform. He was a hell of an effective trooper, too. In hindsight, he wishes he'd been able to take more pride in the things he was good at back then, instead of focusing so hard on what he couldn't do...but he can't even reliably do that now, let alone when he was 16 and had exactly one friend in the world.]
Mm. Hard to find good coffee in the slums. Not like us bottom rung guys had it that much better when the company was paying for it, but at least there were other places around to get the good stuff on our own dime.
[He shrugs.]
Don't look at me, I'm no barista. Vincent makes pretty good coffee, though. Could ask him.
Think I'll just stick with Cloud Strife, delivery boy.
[Though...he didn't get the chance to tell her the rest. The events leading up to Meteorfall, and then the aftermath. The life they tried to build, the world tried to rebuild, all the ways he derailed their lives for the worse.
His delivery service, though, that's a positive. He can tell her about that.]
Oh, uh - after everything with Sephiroth was over, Tifa reopened Seventh Heaven in a new location and I started Strife Delivery Service based out of it.
[He could tell her more, but...the more he says, the closer he skirts to the stuff he doesn't want to talk about right now. So he leaves it at that for now.]
[She smiles at him. Him, a delivery boy? It sounded like he was running around delivering newspapers. But really...it is mostly what they were doing when they were trying to find Sephiroth and save the world to make gil. And to help others.
Some of it by her prompting, but still. But her smile warms.]
I'm glad she reopened it. And that your own business too.
[Gently, she bumps her shoulder against his.]
Want to steal his coffee right now? It'd go well with the cake.
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She would have liked to it go on about Zack getting lost, some of the silly things he did with his boundless energy. The puppy bouncing before he sobered- after Angeal broke his heart. She remembered that.
To hear that he had been coming back to her, to find her- she would have hid them. If she could have- helped them both hide. Made sure all three of them would have been on the run together. But Shinra...did what Shinra did.
Took care what it thought would be an embarrassment, should Zack and Cloud told their story to the media. It had lost too many first class SOLIDERs already. It was all...so, so awful.
Aerith had to close her eyes, tipping her head down. She was quiet, and her shoulders shook once. He'd been so close.
No wonder she'd felt his death.]
Cloud...
[She shook her head, and her hands squeezed his. Not as tight. But gently. So gently.]
Don't take his choice away from him.
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There's a moment, a long moment, while Aerith bows her head, where Cloud wants to just stop here. He doesn't know if he's ready to tell her the rest. The worst part - worse even than Zack's death, which as she points out was Zack's own choice. At least Zack did it knowingly and willingly. The rest is something Cloud did to his memory. His legacy. But Aerith ought to hear what he did from him.]
I...
[His shoulders slump.]
I'm sorry. You're right, I know. I just...wish I could have helped him, at least. Supported him the way he always supported me. All I could do was sit there and listen.
[Zack's battle cries, fewer and weaker as the fight stretched on. Gunfire...so much gunfire. The sounds of Zack's pain, every bullet that pierced his armor or slipped past Buster's blade, his labored breathing by the end...that haunting cacophony, Cloud now remembers all too well.]
no subject
No one else saw Zack break down after, unable to do more then cry.]
No...I get it. I really do.
[Another Hans squeeze. Knowing that someone had protected you for so long? Helped you escape experiment after experiment? Was going out there to die and you couldn't do anything about it?
It hurt.]
It must have been terrible.
[And heart breaking. Zack was a first class, meant to go against armies. It must have taken...forever.]
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Couldn't tell you why, but somehow by the time it was over, I was able to drag myself over to him. He really did take down the whole army on his own. He was...incredible. But...when I got to him, he was bleeding out. He told me...
[For all the things Cloud still has trouble remembering with clarity, Zack's words that day are etched indelibly in his memory. He closes his eyes as he speaks them to Aerith.]
That I'd live for the both of us. That I'd be...his living legacy. That his honor, his dreams...were mine now. He gave me his sword, and he...he smiled. And I...
[Cloud's eyes open again, but he stares into the middle distance.]
I swore I'd never forget. But...it was a promise I couldn't keep.
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And the worst of it was...Cloud having to crawl to a dying man. The man she loved, and the one he adored.
And to forget? All of it? To become the man instead?
The pain Cloud went through- still felt- the guilt of it all...]
Cloud...
[She gently tugged his hands. Tried to tug him to her for a gentle embrace.]
Come here.
[That was his burden. She didn't blame him a wit. The fact he survived after being drenched in mako was a miracle. But that wasn't the issue here.
They both needed to mourn to the person they loved, had left behind: Zack Fair.]
no subject
Most of all, he's never managed to mourn himself. The future that was destroyed in the flames. The years of his life - years when he should have been coming of age, maturing into an adult - taken from him, irretrievable. His sense of self, his identity, any understanding he ever had of who he was, shattered into a million pieces.
So when Aerith tugs him closer, he lets her. And when she gently wraps her arms around him, he returns it in kind, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair.]
no subject
Instead, he had tragedy, again and again. It's no wonder he had sunk into pain, unable to breathe or reach out.
Aerith rubbed his back slowly, squeezing him. Trying to give him the chance he needed to breathe. Cloud...needed to breathe.
Aerith didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say to that. Nothing would make it better. But she could be here for him. Let him grieve, and encourage him to enjoy a good memory, after.]
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Well, arguably what he was doing wasn't really 'living.' So maybe he didn't, after all.
There's even more to tell her, so much more, but Cloud thinks maybe he's done enough confessing for one day. Maybe both of them are better off if he stops here for now. They've got time, now. He can tell her the rest later.
...they've got time now. So what does he intend to do with it?
Eventually, he draws back from the embrace slowly with a deep sigh, though he keeps his hands resting on her shoulders for a moment.]
Thanks. For...letting me dump all this on you. It probably wasn't what you were hoping for when you came over.
no subject
And then she died. Maybe she had taken a part of him with her, invertingly.
But now there's a chance to heal. Though...she wouldn't be surprised if he tried to sabotage his graduation in an attempt to stay with those he sp dearly loved.
But the crying done, it seemed it was time for apologizing. Aerith shook her head, and touched his cheek. A brief, assuring touch before drawing away.]
It's better then what I thought might happen.
I was worried you wouldn't let me in.
[Silly really. But they had hurt each other, badly.]
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Not a chance. Never. I'll always want you around, no matter what.
[He glances over at the cake for a moment - a birthday gift, but perhaps also a peace offering of a sort. He thinks about what led to their terrible argument in the first place, what he told Sephiroth and Abel about it after the fact.
Then, with a decisive air, he pushes back his stool and stands, only to approach Aerith with his hand extended for a handshake. His tone is decisive, too, but soft. Gentle.]
Name's Cloud. Cloud Strife. It's...good to meet you.
no subject
But that hand offering, the introduction...that was right. He was right. She was thoughtful for a few moments, looking at his hand up to his face.
Starting over. They weren't who they said they were, florist and bodyguard. They were more then that now, and would become so much more. Warden and Inmate.
Friend, and friend.
Aerith slid off of her stool, and took his hand, offering a firm, yet gentle shake.]
Aerith Gainsbourgh. Nice to meet you too.
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Well. We should get to know each other.
[Like normal people would. But...Cloud's not entirely sure how normal people do that.]
Um...you hungry?
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[Her smile was soft, and she took him in. Something had eased in her chest. They'd be okay. Though...it seemed that some things didn't change, despite the years between them.
Her eyes sparkled, but she didn't laugh.]
Starving. Let's eat and we can ask each other questions.
Like...what's your favorite? Coffee? Or tea?
[Little questions. Soft questions, that would get them to know one another, bit by bit.]
no subject
Hoo boy.
[But he nods and heads for the door, opening it and waiting for her to go through first before following her out into the corridor.]
Coffee. Infantryman's best friend, y'know.
[Because they never knew when one of the higher-ups was going to act on some ridiculous whim and order a bunch of troopers to go do something immediately to satisfy it. No matter what time of night or morning it might be.]
You?
no subject
[She smiled up at him. She thought that it would be easy but both of them...had different social tiers of how much they could handle. But she at least walked out easy enough, hands behind her back as she walked towards the dining hall.]
Hmm...coffee in the morning, tea at night. Or afternoon.
I like the little kick in the morning.
So...how do you take your coffee?
[Sorry Cloud. You're going to be pestered with the dumbest questions.]
no subject
[It's odd, reminiscing like this about those days. When he worked for Shinra. When he was part of the problem. Before...everything. By the time he met Aerith, the person he's talking about barely existed. But then, that's why they're doing this in the first place.]
Heh. And here I thought all that bright-eyed, bushy-tailed stuff came natural to you.
Black. Sometimes a little milk, if it's shitty coffee. Takes the bitter edge off. I'm guessing...you like it on the sweeter side. Right?
no subject
[Though the idea of Cloud in a uniform...cute.It was funny, trying to find out about his past self, walking in the halls if a ship that was in space so far from home.
Something she thought was impossible.]
My bushy tailness is natural, thank you very much. But sometimes it needs a boost.
Especially because I'm used to awful coffee.
Maybe I just need to learn from someone how to make it right.
[Though that makes her wonder if Shinra troops would get a decent cup.]
no subject
[It's true, Cloud was adorable in the infantry uniform. He was a hell of an effective trooper, too. In hindsight, he wishes he'd been able to take more pride in the things he was good at back then, instead of focusing so hard on what he couldn't do...but he can't even reliably do that now, let alone when he was 16 and had exactly one friend in the world.]
Mm. Hard to find good coffee in the slums. Not like us bottom rung guys had it that much better when the company was paying for it, but at least there were other places around to get the good stuff on our own dime.
[He shrugs.]
Don't look at me, I'm no barista. Vincent makes pretty good coffee, though. Could ask him.
no subject
But so does Cloud Strife, Shinra trooper.
[She shakes her head, smiling. Cloud must have had a lot of moments where he was asleep on his feet. Poor guy.]
But anyway- so does this mean we should steal Vincent's supply, or just bug him to make us coffee in the morning?
no subject
[Though...he didn't get the chance to tell her the rest. The events leading up to Meteorfall, and then the aftermath. The life they tried to build, the world tried to rebuild, all the ways he derailed their lives for the worse.
His delivery service, though, that's a positive. He can tell her about that.]
Oh, uh - after everything with Sephiroth was over, Tifa reopened Seventh Heaven in a new location and I started Strife Delivery Service based out of it.
[He could tell her more, but...the more he says, the closer he skirts to the stuff he doesn't want to talk about right now. So he leaves it at that for now.]
Bug him. Definitely.
no subject
[She smiles at him. Him, a delivery boy? It sounded like he was running around delivering newspapers. But really...it is mostly what they were doing when they were trying to find Sephiroth and save the world to make gil. And to help others.
Some of it by her prompting, but still. But her smile warms.]
I'm glad she reopened it. And that your own business too.
[Gently, she bumps her shoulder against his.]
Want to steal his coffee right now? It'd go well with the cake.