Perhaps it's because it's because they're crystal's of God.
[He rubs the back of his neck.]
I don't really know. If you need something, I'll try my best to get it for you. It seems like sometimes that's the best a temporary warden can do. But I guess I'd also say... what do you think it takes to make up for a mistake? Is walking away at the end truly enough? [Because it seems to him that Cloud had said it was enough for Allen, but he doesn't know if he applies that same standard to himself.]
[He knows that everyone's 'graduation' is different, so he can't claim to certainty in how to help someone get there, but he thinks that being able to lay out what might have brought someone to the Barge can be the first step to dealing with it.]
[Another moment of silence, as Cloud considers what to say. There's a lot he could say - not like he's been lacking for time to wallow in his thoughts - but he's not sure where to draw the line, here. Probably somewhere between "because I'm an asshole" and "to wait for death."]
Gave up. On pretty much everything. Friends, family, the future...
[Without realizing it, he brings his right hand up to grip his left arm for a moment; his right arm is exposed, but his left wears a long, flowing sleeve.]
I believe that I was right to disobey the Black Order, when I did, but I'm not sure I was right to walk away. I'm... dangerous. Maybe it would've been safer for the world if I stayed locked up.
In not giving up, I might have doomed people I love.
If I made the wrong choice and I ended up here for it... I would still believe that the only way to really move forward would still be to find some sort of belief in the future.
I know there are circumstances where it would be better if I was locked up - if it was some place secure. But that's only partly because of me. [He considers it entirely his fault, for the failure of self-control, but he wouldn't blame someone else in his situation the same way.]
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onlyembers
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Date: 2024-07-18 04:46 am (UTC)[He rubs the back of his neck.]
I don't really know. If you need something, I'll try my best to get it for you. It seems like sometimes that's the best a temporary warden can do. But I guess I'd also say... what do you think it takes to make up for a mistake? Is walking away at the end truly enough? [Because it seems to him that Cloud had said it was enough for Allen, but he doesn't know if he applies that same standard to himself.]
no subject
Date: 2024-07-18 07:46 pm (UTC)The question prompts a bit of silence before he responds.]
Depends. For you, walking away was the brave thing to do. But sometimes...walking away is the mistake.
[It's not hard to guess that Cloud's speaking from experience.]
no subject
Date: 2024-07-18 07:51 pm (UTC)[He knows that everyone's 'graduation' is different, so he can't claim to certainty in how to help someone get there, but he thinks that being able to lay out what might have brought someone to the Barge can be the first step to dealing with it.]
no subject
Date: 2024-07-18 08:29 pm (UTC)Gave up. On pretty much everything. Friends, family, the future...
[Without realizing it, he brings his right hand up to grip his left arm for a moment; his right arm is exposed, but his left wears a long, flowing sleeve.]
no subject
Date: 2024-07-18 08:38 pm (UTC)I believe that I was right to disobey the Black Order, when I did, but I'm not sure I was right to walk away. I'm... dangerous. Maybe it would've been safer for the world if I stayed locked up.
In not giving up, I might have doomed people I love.
If I made the wrong choice and I ended up here for it... I would still believe that the only way to really move forward would still be to find some sort of belief in the future.
no subject
Date: 2024-07-19 05:50 am (UTC)Nah. If that were true, you wouldn't be a warden.
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Date: 2024-07-19 01:00 pm (UTC)[He’s pretty sure he’s met wardens who’ve fallen into at least one of the categories.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-06 07:20 am (UTC)[Not that Cloud's any kind of expert or anything, clearly. But it's the impression he's gotten.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-06 07:47 am (UTC)I know there are circumstances where it would be better if I was locked up - if it was some place secure. But that's only partly because of me. [He considers it entirely his fault, for the failure of self-control, but he wouldn't blame someone else in his situation the same way.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-06 09:56 pm (UTC)[Cloud sits in awkward silence for a moment.]
You get what you needed from me?
no subject
Date: 2024-08-15 11:23 pm (UTC)Thank you for talking to be. I won't keep you.
I hope you'll ask if you need anything.