[Cloud can think of a few things they might 'need' to talk about that they haven't, and he's not sure which one this is. Especially after she explains further.]
You haven't hurt me, Aerith. What are you talking about?
[Wait--he realizes he's stopped mid-door-opening, so he finishes that first and gestures a little with his chin for her to go inside. Once she does, he steps in after her and shuts and locks the door behind them. Aerith's been to Nibelheim, so she should recognize that about half of his cabin looks like the inside of his old home there; she hasn't been to the new Seventh Heaven in Edge, but the style that blends with the old-fashioned rural one is a recognizable sort of industrial grunge meets classy tavern.]
[It really wasn't a conversation meant for the hallway. So she goes in without a fuss, glancing around. One part a reminder of the past; another of a future she didn't share. Could not share. Not in the way they both would have wanted- her alive.
Lightly, her fingers touch one of the walls, before turning back to him.]
I haven't tried to get to know you, like I said I would. I've pretended that what I said? What I did? Didn't happen. I've been taking advantage of...you just letting me do what I want.
[Cloud, I'm searching for you...I want to meet you.
Somehow, back then, she knew. Not everything, but she knew enough to know the guy she knew as 'Cloud' wasn't really anyone at all. And then...she was gone before either of them ever had a chance to find the real Cloud.
And he still hasn't.
What she did, what she said - is she talking about...the day he found out she was on the Barge? That certainly is one of those things they should probably talk about. As for taking advantage, well...maybe, but he's never thought of it as a bad thing before, necessarily. If she's doing what she wants, she's happy. And he wants her to be happy. It's difficult for him to say no to her, but it's always been harmless stuff she's wanted. Hasn't it?
...and with that last point, she brings it all full circle to one of the other things he would say they probably should talk about. He tried, that first day, but they got distracted. Or...maybe she distracted him on purpose. But she was just doing it to make it easier on him, right? Can't blame her, really, he was freaking out pretty bad.]
Well...start with telling me why you did all that stuff, then.
[He could say he doesn't feel hurt, but she clearly has feelings she wants to express, and who is he to tell her they're not relevant?]
[She knew. Knew that everything that Cloud was, was not entirely his own. That he had been breaking down, the despair hurting him, hurting her as she watched him break into pieces, there in the chapel.
And the reason...she closed her eyes, briefly, before looking up at him with those bright green eyes, up into those mako blue.]
It's selfish really.
[Her voice was quiet. Subdued. Unlike Aerith who was always so bright, so cheerful. But she's at least admitting to what she has done.]
I couldn't stand seeing you in pain. And it was...easier, to act as if nothing was wrong. I was running away, you know? And I was happy.
That you were here. But...Vincent reminded me time has passed. Things have changed, and the world moved on.
[Cloud is quiet for a moment, absorbing what she's said. Most of it he pretty much figured was the case - she's always been coy and hard to read, always favored distracting him from his troubles, and he's never minded too much before. But the way she did it...
'Because she wanted to.' That really doesn't tell him anything.]
And...why did you want to?
[This is where he thinks he's starting to see the problem, because...nobody who really had feelings for him, wanted him that way, would put it like this, would they? They'd start with those feelings, right? She wouldn't be acting like it was such a bad thing if...she actually cared about him that way.
[Cloud's brow furrows. That's...not really what he expected her to say. And on the one hand, it feels good to know she cares about him. That she likes him, whatever that means. He likes her too. There might have been a time when he'd have said he loved her. But she's been dead and gone for so long, and while he can't really say he's moved on from her death, he isn't carrying any kind of torch. Particularly since Zack is here, and Cloud would jump off a cliff before he'd hurt Zack like that.
So why hasn't Zack come up once yet in her explanation?]
[It would probably behoove Cloud to actually work out his own feelings before bringing Zack up, the way Aerith intended, but he can't get the thought out of his mind. He nods, still frowning.]
Then...that's the end of it. Isn't it? You love Zack. You 'like' me. You said it yourself, you...don't really know me. More than you even know. There's...it's more complicated than you think.
[As if it wasn't complicated enough just from what she's already said.
The idea of telling Aerith the truth, having to go through the whole humiliating explanation all over again, makes shame rise like bile in his throat. But she deserves to know. She needs to know who Cloud really is - or, at least, who he isn't.]
[Cloud starts out trying to protest that she does need to know. That they can't talk about anything else before she's aware of the truth. But he pauses, mouth half-open, as she keeps going.
I love you as a friend. If I lived, maybe it would have been different. Then why kiss him? Why say she might do it again once she does get to know him? Why--
I'm not even a person to you anymore, am I?
The words stab him through the chest as surely as the Masamune once did. No, she's wrong. She has to be. He stammers for a moment, unable to get any words out, but the look on his face belies the pain he feels at the thought, his desperation to deny it, the fear that he can't.
[Her mouth trembles once, showing the emotion she was holding back. She did this. She did this to him, and her. But he had already come up with reasons why he wasn't good enough for her, didn't he?
Or that she wasn't good enough, couldn't love him couldn't try to bring him close and kiss him because...what? Because she was dead? Because he was alive?
Because she was nothing more then a painful memory?
The stammering was answer enough.
She moved to walk past him, her gaze finally sliding away from his face.]
[Because Zack loves her, and because Cloud would do anything not to hurt Zack, and because...
...because he doesn't know how to just pick up where they left off as if nothing's changed. He doesn't know how to adjust to her suddenly back in his life. So much of his guilt, his despair, all this time has been bound up in her death. If she's no longer gone, if she's right here, then...what does he do with any of it?
He drops his gaze to the floor and doesn't look up when she passes him by on her way to the door. He's never quite been able to say no to her, so when she tells him 'don't,' he doesn't. Doesn't say another word, doesn't make a move to try to stop her.
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onlyembers
Action outside of Clouds room
Date: 2024-07-27 07:22 am (UTC)[Knock knock knock!]
Anyone home?
[She doesn't want to sneak in, and this isn't for talk time. At all! It's fun time.]
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Date: 2024-07-27 07:40 am (UTC)Nope.
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Date: 2024-07-27 08:03 am (UTC)[She squeaks, and hops around to see...Cloud.
Great start.]
Hey...
Nice door.
[Should have just claimed he scared her, or gotten turned into a cat...]
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Date: 2024-07-28 04:58 am (UTC)[Deadpan. Cloud moves past her to the door and fishes out his key.]
Did you need something?
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Date: 2024-07-28 05:09 am (UTC)Still, she leaned over to touch his arm.]
Do I need a reason to visit you?
[Even if she didn't visit before? It's totally normal.]
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Date: 2024-07-28 05:13 am (UTC)Guess not, but you've never come over before. My place doesn't even have a bathroom.
[Just in case she'd forgotten about that little detail.]
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Date: 2024-07-28 05:25 am (UTC)[She offered a gentle sigh, but her hand dropped.]
Can we talk?
[She can raid his closet and talk at the same time.]
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Date: 2024-07-28 05:30 am (UTC)His brow furrows slightly at the question.]
Sure. Something wrong?
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Date: 2024-07-28 05:34 am (UTC)Or me absolutely hurting you and needing to apologize?
No, not really.
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Date: 2024-07-28 05:41 am (UTC)You haven't hurt me, Aerith. What are you talking about?
[Wait--he realizes he's stopped mid-door-opening, so he finishes that first and gestures a little with his chin for her to go inside. Once she does, he steps in after her and shuts and locks the door behind them. Aerith's been to Nibelheim, so she should recognize that about half of his cabin looks like the inside of his old home there; she hasn't been to the new Seventh Heaven in Edge, but the style that blends with the old-fashioned rural one is a recognizable sort of industrial grunge meets classy tavern.]
no subject
Date: 2024-07-28 05:51 am (UTC)[It really wasn't a conversation meant for the hallway. So she goes in without a fuss, glancing around. One part a reminder of the past; another of a future she didn't share. Could not share. Not in the way they both would have wanted- her alive.
Lightly, her fingers touch one of the walls, before turning back to him.]
I haven't tried to get to know you, like I said I would. I've pretended that what I said? What I did? Didn't happen. I've been taking advantage of...you just letting me do what I want.
And I keep pretending that I'm not dead.
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Date: 2024-07-29 06:41 am (UTC)Somehow, back then, she knew. Not everything, but she knew enough to know the guy she knew as 'Cloud' wasn't really anyone at all. And then...she was gone before either of them ever had a chance to find the real Cloud.
And he still hasn't.
What she did, what she said - is she talking about...the day he found out she was on the Barge? That certainly is one of those things they should probably talk about. As for taking advantage, well...maybe, but he's never thought of it as a bad thing before, necessarily. If she's doing what she wants, she's happy. And he wants her to be happy. It's difficult for him to say no to her, but it's always been harmless stuff she's wanted. Hasn't it?
...and with that last point, she brings it all full circle to one of the other things he would say they probably should talk about. He tried, that first day, but they got distracted. Or...maybe she distracted him on purpose. But she was just doing it to make it easier on him, right? Can't blame her, really, he was freaking out pretty bad.]
Well...start with telling me why you did all that stuff, then.
[He could say he doesn't feel hurt, but she clearly has feelings she wants to express, and who is he to tell her they're not relevant?]
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Date: 2024-07-29 03:24 pm (UTC)And the reason...she closed her eyes, briefly, before looking up at him with those bright green eyes, up into those mako blue.]
It's selfish really.
[Her voice was quiet. Subdued. Unlike Aerith who was always so bright, so cheerful. But she's at least admitting to what she has done.]
I couldn't stand seeing you in pain. And it was...easier, to act as if nothing was wrong. I was running away, you know? And I was happy.
That you were here. But...Vincent reminded me time has passed. Things have changed, and the world moved on.
...I kissed you because....I wanted to kiss you.
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Date: 2024-07-29 03:43 pm (UTC)'Because she wanted to.' That really doesn't tell him anything.]
And...why did you want to?
[This is where he thinks he's starting to see the problem, because...nobody who really had feelings for him, wanted him that way, would put it like this, would they? They'd start with those feelings, right? She wouldn't be acting like it was such a bad thing if...she actually cared about him that way.
But he waits. Maybe he's wrong.]
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Date: 2024-07-29 08:38 pm (UTC)She tries to think and she can't think of a good answer.
Slowly, Aerith shakes her head.]
Because I care about you. I like you Cloud.
But...I don't think I should kiss you again until I get to know you better.
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Date: 2024-07-29 08:56 pm (UTC)So why hasn't Zack come up once yet in her explanation?]
Aerith...you're in love with Zack. Right?
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Date: 2024-07-29 09:08 pm (UTC)Her face flushed, but she nodded.]
Yes. I love Zack.
[And she had feelings for Cloud too but...it was different. Zack was the sun, and Cloud was the earth. But...time had passed.
And Cloud deserved someone who loved one person completely, not love and care for two.]
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Date: 2024-07-31 05:44 am (UTC)Then...that's the end of it. Isn't it? You love Zack. You 'like' me. You said it yourself, you...don't really know me. More than you even know. There's...it's more complicated than you think.
[As if it wasn't complicated enough just from what she's already said.
The idea of telling Aerith the truth, having to go through the whole humiliating explanation all over again, makes shame rise like bile in his throat. But she deserves to know. She needs to know who Cloud really is - or, at least, who he isn't.]
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Date: 2024-07-31 05:55 am (UTC)Cloud...
[She starts. Stops. Takes in a deep breath.]
I don't need to know that right now.
I love you as a friend. If I lived, maybe it would have been different.
[Her hand dropped. But she never looked away from his face.]
I'm not even a person to you anymore, am I? So... don't tell me.
Not until you're ready.
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 06:16 am (UTC)I love you as a friend. If I lived, maybe it would have been different. Then why kiss him? Why say she might do it again once she does get to know him? Why--
I'm not even a person to you anymore, am I?
The words stab him through the chest as surely as the Masamune once did. No, she's wrong. She has to be. He stammers for a moment, unable to get any words out, but the look on his face belies the pain he feels at the thought, his desperation to deny it, the fear that he can't.
Eventually, he manages just one word.]
Aerith...
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Date: 2024-07-31 06:26 am (UTC)[Her mouth trembles once, showing the emotion she was holding back. She did this. She did this to him, and her. But he had already come up with reasons why he wasn't good enough for her, didn't he?
Or that she wasn't good enough, couldn't love him couldn't try to bring him close and kiss him because...what? Because she was dead? Because he was alive?
Because she was nothing more then a painful memory?
The stammering was answer enough.
She moved to walk past him, her gaze finally sliding away from his face.]
Just...don't.
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Date: 2024-07-31 06:52 am (UTC)...because he doesn't know how to just pick up where they left off as if nothing's changed. He doesn't know how to adjust to her suddenly back in his life. So much of his guilt, his despair, all this time has been bound up in her death. If she's no longer gone, if she's right here, then...what does he do with any of it?
He drops his gaze to the floor and doesn't look up when she passes him by on her way to the door. He's never quite been able to say no to her, so when she tells him 'don't,' he doesn't. Doesn't say another word, doesn't make a move to try to stop her.
Doesn't react at all.]