[He allows it with a quiet little sigh of relief.]
You never could.
[He'll always welcome her, no matter what.
He drops his hand after a moment to do what he was going to do - fetch plates and forks. That much of the bar supplies came along with the bar itself, at least. The best he can do for a knife to cut the cake with is a butter knife, but it's good enough to work with. He cuts her a slice first, then himself. He sits back down, fork in hand, but he doesn't try it just yet.]
This was the cake my mom always made for my birthdays back then. Brought it to a gathering once or twice, too, but the village didn't invite us to many of those.
[This, at least, isn't particularly melancholy. Just recalling.]
So it was really just for us. And we were okay with that. Though I did bring Tifa a slice or two on the DL.
[He takes a forkful of cake and eats it slowly, eyes closing. He doesn't open them again until a long moment after he's swallowed it, and then he gives the cake a little nod.]
[She offers a gentle huff, but she's smiling. He always let her in, no matter if she pushed, no matter if she pulled. He just let her do whatever she wanted. And she...he held such a precious place in her heart.
Aerith only wanted to pull and push when he needed it. When he wanted it.
And he opened up to her, explaining the cake, how precious it was. She was glad she made this request.
It made her smile, and she almost forgot the slice in front of her.
So she takes her fork, and she takes a bite. And the taste flows over her tongue, bursting with strawberries, hazelnuts- the taste of Cloud's childhood.]
I should have asked for the recipe too. This is...really, really good.
[The hints of a proud smile sneak onto Cloud's face as he watches her taste it.]
Yeah. Mom was a great baker. Cook, too. She taught me a little, so I could help her out. Single mom in a small town - she needed the help.
[It's been so long since he's talked to anyone about any of this. It rarely comes up with Tifa anymore - came up with Tifa - because they'd already done all the reminiscing they needed to and they were focused on the future. Or at least, Cloud was trying to be. It's kinda nice to be able to just sit and tell someone about it for no reason more dire than sharing his birthday with her.
He takes another slow bite, and then puts his fork down.]
Nah, not really. I can mix batter with the best of 'em, though. Taste test like a pro.
[Cloud doesn't move his hand away. Far from it - he reaches over with his other hand to gently rest it on top of hers.]
It's not selfish to take the time and space you need.
[Unless you're Cloud and you take way more than you need. But that's another story.]
I just...wanna come clean. You deserve to know why things were the way they were. Why I was...the way I was. But only when you're ready. Doesn't have to be now.
Heh. Sure. Maybe...apple cinnamon bread. Another Mom staple. Gotta go apple picking first, though.
[Not that they can keep any apples they pick in the Enclosure, but so what? It's the experience that matters. Wow, he hasn't thought about that bread in forever. But he remembers that it was delicious.
He gazes back down at her, at the resolution in her eyes, the certainty. And he nods.]
Okay. Mm...you remember what I told you about what happened in Nibelheim, right?
Right. But at the time, I didn't remember how it happened. There were a lot of things I didn't remember, and things I remembered...differently from how they really went. Tifa and the others helped me restore my memory before Meteorfall.
[Cloud wonders what Zack's told her, if anything. Wonders if she knows how Zack died, or even that he did definitely die. Nothing for it but to keep going.]
It...wasn't just me and Sephiroth on that mission. It wasn't my mission at all. I was just there on security detail. The other SOLDIER in Nibelheim that day...it was Zack. He was my friend. Best friend I had. Only friend I had, really. Aerith...I never was in SOLDIER. Never made it, not for lack of trying. Everything I told you about...being First Class, joining the program after the war ended, all of that. It was all a lie. I just...didn't realize it.
[His gaze has dropped by then to their hands clasped on the bartop.]
[She wished she had been with Tifa and the others to help him out. But then, she hadn't known how much they had gone through to bring him back together before saving the world.
But it confirms what Vincent told her. But it still hurts her heart to hear him confess.
Gently, she puts her hand on top of his. And both hands squeeze his.]
Cloud...
[She sighed quietly, before shaking her head.]
You did more then any SOLIDER could. Still do more.
[People keep telling him that, and he knows it's technically true, but...to him, it's less about whether or not he was a SOLDIER and more about the shame of having lived such a revealing, egregious lie for so long.
But he knows what Aerith's trying to say, and he appreciates it. So he squeezes her hands lightly back.]
Thanks. If that were the only lie I lived, maybe I wouldn't be here. But...there's more.
[He's glad to have her hands there to hold onto. It's grounding. Easier not to get swept up in the past this way.]
Tifa and the other villagers never knew I was even there that day. I felt so humiliated by my failure, after all the boasting I did that I was gonna be a SOLDIER, that...I kept my helmet on. Never talked to Tifa at all. I should've told her everything then, but... [He shakes his head.] Did visit my mom, though. Sephiroth gave me the rest of the day off so I could.
...heh. That night, Zack was so excited about the mission he could barely sleep. Kept me up with his stories and chatter, but I didn't mind one bit. He talked about you, y'know. Gushed, really. He couldn't wait to get back to Midgar to see you again.
The ribbon... [Cloud glances back at it, nestled in her hair as always.] That was from Zack?
[He can't help glancing down at the matching one he wears around his right bicep. They really were all so connected, weren't they? And she wears pink all the time now...that was for Zack, too, he supposes. No wonder she was immediately drawn to Cloud when they met. That torch was really burning bright, and he never knew. It's a sobering thought, but not one for right now.
Right now, he has more truths to lay bare.]
Most of what happened on the hike up Mt. Nibel, I had right, except of course it was Zack who chatted with Sephiroth and showed off his fiend-killing skills for us. [That has the slightest of smiles pulling at his lips.] I loved watching him fight. It was impressive, sure, but to me, he was an inspiration. I thought, if I could figure out how to be more like Zack, maybe then I'd make SOLDIER. Become a hero. ...embrace my dreams, like he always said.
I did my part, though. Even saved Zack once or twice - he kept turning his back on the enemies without making sure they were dead first. And I was a damn good shot with a rifle. [That much, he can be proud of now, after the fact.]
Up at the reactor...I never went inside that day. I was the one who stayed out front to keep an eye on Tifa. But everything I told you about what happened in there was true.
Uh huh. He bought for me- as a gift. I'd helped him when we met and...that was the start of everything.
[It's funny to confess it. It seems so long ago now, for so many. But she still remembered. Still keeps two pieces of her heart right there- one, from her mother, the other from her love. It was little wonder she was drawn to him, maybe as much as he was to her. Zack was what brought them together, even after his death.
Maybe Cloud was a person Zack had mentioned, during one of their many calls. Not when it was just the two of them, she thought. That time- it was for each other.
But she listened quietly. Zack...shining brightly. Eliminating threats, filled with honor and hope. There was a worse person to take after, fight like, then Zack Fair.
Hearing that Cloud had to come in later...after Zack fought Sephiroth, a man he no doubt admired greatly...that had to be hard for both of them.]
You still were there, in the end right? And you helped Zack, were his friend.
[More then any other SOLIDER. Technical details aside.]
But...Cloud, there were years when you two went missing.
[Is he ready? She doesn't know. But she'll listen.]
[Zack brought them together...in some ways, that's what Cloud's worried about. But now's not the time for that. Not yet.]
Mm. When Sephiroth went back up there to take Jenova's head, I did follow him, but by the time I got there, Zack had already fought him and lost. I stabbed Sephiroth with Zack's sword. Buster was his, not mine. Sephiroth was pissed, Zack told me to finish him off, so...I did. Threw him into the reactor. But Zack and I both would've bled out, except...Hojo took us to his lab.
[This is harder to talk about. He still doesn't remember most of that time, not in detail. But it's important, and she has to know. His eyes are fixed on the bartop, now.]
We were there for four years before Zack got us out. Experimented on us the same way he experimented on the other survivors, but Zack was pretty much immune to the worst of it.
[His expression twists into something darker.]
Not me, though. No idea how long it took, but by the time Zack busted us out, I'd been out of commission for a while already. Severe mako poisoning. Hojo figured I wouldn't survive. I shouldn't have. But...Zack took me with him. On the run for another year or so, always on the move, nowhere was safe, but he...he still dragged my useless ass all over the continent. Even though the chances I'd ever recover were close to none. He...kept me alive, kept me safe, that whole time.
[Cloud has to pause; he can feel his throat tightening up and he doesn't want to cry. Not here, not now.]
He got lost in the slums. I helped him find his way back up to the plates.
[And a couple of other things, but that was the gist of it. She goes quiet again, listening to the background. So...Cloud had finished him off. Threw him in even, which made her lips quirked. That sounded like something Cloud would do.
But the experiments...she winces, and her grip tightens on his hands briefly. Oh. She knows. She knows it very well.
She supposed Zack had already been augmented. It might have been it. But...four years. Four years. That had to be so hard on both of them.
And mako poisoning...that would explain the mako blue of Cloud's eyes.]
And you beat the odds. Again, and again. Cloud...
I know you don't want to hear this but...you really are amazing.
Got lost...course he did. [Cloud's tone is fond; Zack is many things, but a savvy navigator, he is not.
Aerith is right: Cloud really doesn't want to hear that he's amazing. Not for this. Not for surviving this. He shakes his head, jaw clenched, but he still holds onto her hands.]
I didn't beat shit. It was all Zack. Worked himself to exhaustion keeping us both out of Shinra's grasp. ...he had a plan. I kinda remember bits and pieces of that year, more closer to the end of it. He told me we were gonna become mercs together in Midgar.
[We're friends, right?]
And he was headed back to Midgar to see you. If...if it wasn't for me slowing him down, he would've gotten back to you so much sooner. Would've gotten back to you at all. Instead, he...
[No, he has to stop again. He finds himself squeezing Aerith's hands a little too tightly and quickly eases up, taking in a slightly shaky breath and letting it out, swallowing hard. He's gotta get through this story. She has to know.]
...Zack died...because of me. We were so close, but Shinra caught up to us. Sent in the army. And Zack, he...
[The price of freedom is steep.]
He fought them all. All by himself. Held them off. Protected me, knowing there was no getting out of there alive. Knowing it might all be for nothing. And I...knew, when he walked away, he wasn't coming back. Wanted to stop him, but I couldn't. Couldn't do anything.
[He's told the story before, but never to the love of Zack's life. Never to a woman who loved Zack so much she waited for him for five long years, hoping against hope that he was still alive and would come back to her.
Except he wasn't, and never would. Because of Cloud.]
She would have liked to it go on about Zack getting lost, some of the silly things he did with his boundless energy. The puppy bouncing before he sobered- after Angeal broke his heart. She remembered that.
To hear that he had been coming back to her, to find her- she would have hid them. If she could have- helped them both hide. Made sure all three of them would have been on the run together. But Shinra...did what Shinra did.
Took care what it thought would be an embarrassment, should Zack and Cloud told their story to the media. It had lost too many first class SOLIDERs already. It was all...so, so awful.
Aerith had to close her eyes, tipping her head down. She was quiet, and her shoulders shook once. He'd been so close.
No wonder she'd felt his death.]
Cloud...
[She shook her head, and her hands squeezed his. Not as tight. But gently. So gently.]
[Cloud still doesn't know what happened to Angeal, what he did to Zack. Why Zack changed his hair that day, gave that speech that changed Cloud's life. Cloud never asked. He was too chickenshit.
There's a moment, a long moment, while Aerith bows her head, where Cloud wants to just stop here. He doesn't know if he's ready to tell her the rest. The worst part - worse even than Zack's death, which as she points out was Zack's own choice. At least Zack did it knowingly and willingly. The rest is something Cloud did to his memory. His legacy. But Aerith ought to hear what he did from him.]
I...
[His shoulders slump.]
I'm sorry. You're right, I know. I just...wish I could have helped him, at least. Supported him the way he always supported me. All I could do was sit there and listen.
[Zack's battle cries, fewer and weaker as the fight stretched on. Gunfire...so much gunfire. The sounds of Zack's pain, every bullet that pierced his armor or slipped past Buster's blade, his labored breathing by the end...that haunting cacophony, Cloud now remembers all too well.]
[Some day, Aerith will tell Cloud why she is so angry at Angeal. She can be friendly with the SOLIDER, but the fact is, she is still so very upset. For Zack's sake, not hers.
No one else saw Zack break down after, unable to do more then cry.]
No...I get it. I really do.
[Another Hans squeeze. Knowing that someone had protected you for so long? Helped you escape experiment after experiment? Was going out there to die and you couldn't do anything about it?
It hurt.]
It must have been terrible.
[And heart breaking. Zack was a first class, meant to go against armies. It must have taken...forever.]
[Much too long. It truly felt like forever to Cloud at the time. He nods a bit.]
Couldn't tell you why, but somehow by the time it was over, I was able to drag myself over to him. He really did take down the whole army on his own. He was...incredible. But...when I got to him, he was bleeding out. He told me...
[For all the things Cloud still has trouble remembering with clarity, Zack's words that day are etched indelibly in his memory. He closes his eyes as he speaks them to Aerith.]
That I'd live for the both of us. That I'd be...his living legacy. That his honor, his dreams...were mine now. He gave me his sword, and he...he smiled. And I...
[Cloud's eyes open again, but he stares into the middle distance.]
I swore I'd never forget. But...it was a promise I couldn't keep.
[It's something Cloud has never been able to do. Mourn. His mother, his hometown, Zack, Wedge and Biggs and Jessie, all of sector 7, Aerith herself...he never had a chance to mourn any of them, not really. By the time any opportunity existed at all, there was rebuilding to think about, work to do, children to take care of - but those are all excuses, he knows. He could have been grieving and moving on along with everyone else. He just...didn't. And then came geostigma, and he got so lost in despair and self-loathing that he couldn't feel anything else.
Most of all, he's never managed to mourn himself. The future that was destroyed in the flames. The years of his life - years when he should have been coming of age, maturing into an adult - taken from him, irretrievable. His sense of self, his identity, any understanding he ever had of who he was, shattered into a million pieces.
So when Aerith tugs him closer, he lets her. And when she gently wraps her arms around him, he returns it in kind, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair.]
[He needed that chance. The chance to mourn, to process. Everything happened so fast. Everything kept happening. And in a way...he was still so young. He had lost years of where he could have been making friends, hanging out with Zack, doing things that anyone growing up got to do, even in the military.
Instead, he had tragedy, again and again. It's no wonder he had sunk into pain, unable to breathe or reach out.
Aerith rubbed his back slowly, squeezing him. Trying to give him the chance he needed to breathe. Cloud...needed to breathe.
Aerith didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say to that. Nothing would make it better. But she could be here for him. Let him grieve, and encourage him to enjoy a good memory, after.]
[Cloud has no idea how long he sits there like that, holding Aerith close and being held in return - and breathing. A few silent tears escape his eyes into the curls of her hair, but only a few. How could he have lived for so long without her?
Well, arguably what he was doing wasn't really 'living.' So maybe he didn't, after all.
There's even more to tell her, so much more, but Cloud thinks maybe he's done enough confessing for one day. Maybe both of them are better off if he stops here for now. They've got time, now. He can tell her the rest later.
...they've got time now. So what does he intend to do with it?
Eventually, he draws back from the embrace slowly with a deep sigh, though he keeps his hands resting on her shoulders for a moment.]
Thanks. For...letting me dump all this on you. It probably wasn't what you were hoping for when you came over.
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onlyembers
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 10:24 pm (UTC)You never could.
[He'll always welcome her, no matter what.
He drops his hand after a moment to do what he was going to do - fetch plates and forks. That much of the bar supplies came along with the bar itself, at least. The best he can do for a knife to cut the cake with is a butter knife, but it's good enough to work with. He cuts her a slice first, then himself. He sits back down, fork in hand, but he doesn't try it just yet.]
This was the cake my mom always made for my birthdays back then. Brought it to a gathering once or twice, too, but the village didn't invite us to many of those.
[This, at least, isn't particularly melancholy. Just recalling.]
So it was really just for us. And we were okay with that. Though I did bring Tifa a slice or two on the DL.
[He takes a forkful of cake and eats it slowly, eyes closing. He doesn't open them again until a long moment after he's swallowed it, and then he gives the cake a little nod.]
Yeah. It's just right.
[Then he looks at Aerith.]
Your turn.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 10:54 pm (UTC)Aerith only wanted to pull and push when he needed it. When he wanted it.
And he opened up to her, explaining the cake, how precious it was. She was glad she made this request.
It made her smile, and she almost forgot the slice in front of her.
So she takes her fork, and she takes a bite. And the taste flows over her tongue, bursting with strawberries, hazelnuts- the taste of Cloud's childhood.]
I should have asked for the recipe too. This is...really, really good.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 11:08 pm (UTC)Yeah. Mom was a great baker. Cook, too. She taught me a little, so I could help her out. Single mom in a small town - she needed the help.
[It's been so long since he's talked to anyone about any of this. It rarely comes up with Tifa anymore - came up with Tifa - because they'd already done all the reminiscing they needed to and they were focused on the future. Or at least, Cloud was trying to be. It's kinda nice to be able to just sit and tell someone about it for no reason more dire than sharing his birthday with her.
He takes another slow bite, and then puts his fork down.]
Aerith...I'm sorry. About what I said, before.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 11:19 pm (UTC)[She likes it. It's not a rush or a push. The weight of the world isn't on them.
It's just two people celebrating a birthday. They can be just two people. No Barge. No tragedy. Just them. But...that too, needed to be said.
Slowly, Aerith reached over to touch the back of Cloud's hand.]
I'm sorry too. I didn't let you talk.
It was really selfish of me.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 11:28 pm (UTC)[Cloud doesn't move his hand away. Far from it - he reaches over with his other hand to gently rest it on top of hers.]
It's not selfish to take the time and space you need.
[Unless you're Cloud and you take way more than you need. But that's another story.]
I just...wanna come clean. You deserve to know why things were the way they were. Why I was...the way I was. But only when you're ready. Doesn't have to be now.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 11:43 pm (UTC)[Cupcakes, cake, anything. Anything that'd be fun.
She could argue too that she went about it the wrong way but no. They both hurt each other. That was enough.
And she doesn't want to pull away from his hands.]
It can be now. The Greenhouse helped.
[She had dirt under her hands, and working as hard as she could? Helped.
She looked up into his face, into the eyes she adored so much. This time, she was confident. She could handle it.]
I'm ready.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 11:53 pm (UTC)[Not that they can keep any apples they pick in the Enclosure, but so what? It's the experience that matters. Wow, he hasn't thought about that bread in forever. But he remembers that it was delicious.
He gazes back down at her, at the resolution in her eyes, the certainty. And he nods.]
Okay. Mm...you remember what I told you about what happened in Nibelheim, right?
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 12:23 am (UTC)[Even if they have to go to the Enclosure for apple picking, it'll be worth the experience.
Ah. And here comes the tough part. She takes in a deep breath and nods.]
Yeah. I remember. It was...really bad.
[To put it mildly.]
When Sephiroth died, right?
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 12:51 am (UTC)[Cloud wonders what Zack's told her, if anything. Wonders if she knows how Zack died, or even that he did definitely die. Nothing for it but to keep going.]
It...wasn't just me and Sephiroth on that mission. It wasn't my mission at all. I was just there on security detail. The other SOLDIER in Nibelheim that day...it was Zack. He was my friend. Best friend I had. Only friend I had, really. Aerith...I never was in SOLDIER. Never made it, not for lack of trying. Everything I told you about...being First Class, joining the program after the war ended, all of that. It was all a lie. I just...didn't realize it.
[His gaze has dropped by then to their hands clasped on the bartop.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 01:06 am (UTC)But it confirms what Vincent told her. But it still hurts her heart to hear him confess.
Gently, she puts her hand on top of his. And both hands squeeze his.]
Cloud...
[She sighed quietly, before shaking her head.]
You did more then any SOLIDER could. Still do more.
Honestly...you'll always be first class to me.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 01:29 am (UTC)But he knows what Aerith's trying to say, and he appreciates it. So he squeezes her hands lightly back.]
Thanks. If that were the only lie I lived, maybe I wouldn't be here. But...there's more.
[He's glad to have her hands there to hold onto. It's grounding. Easier not to get swept up in the past this way.]
Tifa and the other villagers never knew I was even there that day. I felt so humiliated by my failure, after all the boasting I did that I was gonna be a SOLDIER, that...I kept my helmet on. Never talked to Tifa at all. I should've told her everything then, but... [He shakes his head.] Did visit my mom, though. Sephiroth gave me the rest of the day off so I could.
...heh. That night, Zack was so excited about the mission he could barely sleep. Kept me up with his stories and chatter, but I didn't mind one bit. He talked about you, y'know. Gushed, really. He couldn't wait to get back to Midgar to see you again.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 01:53 am (UTC)But she listens. Listens to his shame of hiding his face to his hometown; hoe he did get to see his mom one last time.
Though hearing that she'd been bragged about...her face warms, and she ducked her head.]
We were going to go on a date when he came back.
[It's a shy admission. But honest all the same.]
I told him I'd wear pink for him. It'd go with the ribbon he gave me when we met.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 02:14 am (UTC)[He can't help glancing down at the matching one he wears around his right bicep. They really were all so connected, weren't they? And she wears pink all the time now...that was for Zack, too, he supposes. No wonder she was immediately drawn to Cloud when they met. That torch was really burning bright, and he never knew. It's a sobering thought, but not one for right now.
Right now, he has more truths to lay bare.]
Most of what happened on the hike up Mt. Nibel, I had right, except of course it was Zack who chatted with Sephiroth and showed off his fiend-killing skills for us. [That has the slightest of smiles pulling at his lips.] I loved watching him fight. It was impressive, sure, but to me, he was an inspiration. I thought, if I could figure out how to be more like Zack, maybe then I'd make SOLDIER. Become a hero. ...embrace my dreams, like he always said.
I did my part, though. Even saved Zack once or twice - he kept turning his back on the enemies without making sure they were dead first. And I was a damn good shot with a rifle. [That much, he can be proud of now, after the fact.]
Up at the reactor...I never went inside that day. I was the one who stayed out front to keep an eye on Tifa. But everything I told you about what happened in there was true.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 02:56 am (UTC)[It's funny to confess it. It seems so long ago now, for so many. But she still remembered. Still keeps two pieces of her heart right there- one, from her mother, the other from her love. It was little wonder she was drawn to him, maybe as much as he was to her. Zack was what brought them together, even after his death.
Maybe Cloud was a person Zack had mentioned, during one of their many calls. Not when it was just the two of them, she thought. That time- it was for each other.
But she listened quietly. Zack...shining brightly. Eliminating threats, filled with honor and hope. There was a worse person to take after, fight like, then Zack Fair.
Hearing that Cloud had to come in later...after Zack fought Sephiroth, a man he no doubt admired greatly...that had to be hard for both of them.]
You still were there, in the end right? And you helped Zack, were his friend.
[More then any other SOLIDER. Technical details aside.]
But...Cloud, there were years when you two went missing.
[Is he ready? She doesn't know. But she'll listen.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 03:52 am (UTC)[Zack brought them together...in some ways, that's what Cloud's worried about. But now's not the time for that. Not yet.]
Mm. When Sephiroth went back up there to take Jenova's head, I did follow him, but by the time I got there, Zack had already fought him and lost. I stabbed Sephiroth with Zack's sword. Buster was his, not mine. Sephiroth was pissed, Zack told me to finish him off, so...I did. Threw him into the reactor. But Zack and I both would've bled out, except...Hojo took us to his lab.
[This is harder to talk about. He still doesn't remember most of that time, not in detail. But it's important, and she has to know. His eyes are fixed on the bartop, now.]
We were there for four years before Zack got us out. Experimented on us the same way he experimented on the other survivors, but Zack was pretty much immune to the worst of it.
[His expression twists into something darker.]
Not me, though. No idea how long it took, but by the time Zack busted us out, I'd been out of commission for a while already. Severe mako poisoning. Hojo figured I wouldn't survive. I shouldn't have. But...Zack took me with him. On the run for another year or so, always on the move, nowhere was safe, but he...he still dragged my useless ass all over the continent. Even though the chances I'd ever recover were close to none. He...kept me alive, kept me safe, that whole time.
[Cloud has to pause; he can feel his throat tightening up and he doesn't want to cry. Not here, not now.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 04:06 am (UTC)[And a couple of other things, but that was the gist of it. She goes quiet again, listening to the background. So...Cloud had finished him off. Threw him in even, which made her lips quirked. That sounded like something Cloud would do.
But the experiments...she winces, and her grip tightens on his hands briefly. Oh. She knows. She knows it very well.
She supposed Zack had already been augmented. It might have been it. But...four years. Four years. That had to be so hard on both of them.
And mako poisoning...that would explain the mako blue of Cloud's eyes.]
And you beat the odds. Again, and again. Cloud...
I know you don't want to hear this but...you really are amazing.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-14 04:43 am (UTC)Aerith is right: Cloud really doesn't want to hear that he's amazing. Not for this. Not for surviving this. He shakes his head, jaw clenched, but he still holds onto her hands.]
I didn't beat shit. It was all Zack. Worked himself to exhaustion keeping us both out of Shinra's grasp. ...he had a plan. I kinda remember bits and pieces of that year, more closer to the end of it. He told me we were gonna become mercs together in Midgar.
[We're friends, right?]
And he was headed back to Midgar to see you. If...if it wasn't for me slowing him down, he would've gotten back to you so much sooner. Would've gotten back to you at all. Instead, he...
[No, he has to stop again. He finds himself squeezing Aerith's hands a little too tightly and quickly eases up, taking in a slightly shaky breath and letting it out, swallowing hard. He's gotta get through this story. She has to know.]
...Zack died...because of me. We were so close, but Shinra caught up to us. Sent in the army. And Zack, he...
[The price of freedom is steep.]
He fought them all. All by himself. Held them off. Protected me, knowing there was no getting out of there alive. Knowing it might all be for nothing. And I...knew, when he walked away, he wasn't coming back. Wanted to stop him, but I couldn't. Couldn't do anything.
[He's told the story before, but never to the love of Zack's life. Never to a woman who loved Zack so much she waited for him for five long years, hoping against hope that he was still alive and would come back to her.
Except he wasn't, and never would. Because of Cloud.]
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Date: 2024-08-14 04:59 am (UTC)She would have liked to it go on about Zack getting lost, some of the silly things he did with his boundless energy. The puppy bouncing before he sobered- after Angeal broke his heart. She remembered that.
To hear that he had been coming back to her, to find her- she would have hid them. If she could have- helped them both hide. Made sure all three of them would have been on the run together. But Shinra...did what Shinra did.
Took care what it thought would be an embarrassment, should Zack and Cloud told their story to the media. It had lost too many first class SOLIDERs already. It was all...so, so awful.
Aerith had to close her eyes, tipping her head down. She was quiet, and her shoulders shook once. He'd been so close.
No wonder she'd felt his death.]
Cloud...
[She shook her head, and her hands squeezed his. Not as tight. But gently. So gently.]
Don't take his choice away from him.
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Date: 2024-08-14 05:21 am (UTC)There's a moment, a long moment, while Aerith bows her head, where Cloud wants to just stop here. He doesn't know if he's ready to tell her the rest. The worst part - worse even than Zack's death, which as she points out was Zack's own choice. At least Zack did it knowingly and willingly. The rest is something Cloud did to his memory. His legacy. But Aerith ought to hear what he did from him.]
I...
[His shoulders slump.]
I'm sorry. You're right, I know. I just...wish I could have helped him, at least. Supported him the way he always supported me. All I could do was sit there and listen.
[Zack's battle cries, fewer and weaker as the fight stretched on. Gunfire...so much gunfire. The sounds of Zack's pain, every bullet that pierced his armor or slipped past Buster's blade, his labored breathing by the end...that haunting cacophony, Cloud now remembers all too well.]
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Date: 2024-08-14 05:31 am (UTC)No one else saw Zack break down after, unable to do more then cry.]
No...I get it. I really do.
[Another Hans squeeze. Knowing that someone had protected you for so long? Helped you escape experiment after experiment? Was going out there to die and you couldn't do anything about it?
It hurt.]
It must have been terrible.
[And heart breaking. Zack was a first class, meant to go against armies. It must have taken...forever.]
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Date: 2024-08-14 06:05 am (UTC)Couldn't tell you why, but somehow by the time it was over, I was able to drag myself over to him. He really did take down the whole army on his own. He was...incredible. But...when I got to him, he was bleeding out. He told me...
[For all the things Cloud still has trouble remembering with clarity, Zack's words that day are etched indelibly in his memory. He closes his eyes as he speaks them to Aerith.]
That I'd live for the both of us. That I'd be...his living legacy. That his honor, his dreams...were mine now. He gave me his sword, and he...he smiled. And I...
[Cloud's eyes open again, but he stares into the middle distance.]
I swore I'd never forget. But...it was a promise I couldn't keep.
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Date: 2024-08-14 06:17 am (UTC)And the worst of it was...Cloud having to crawl to a dying man. The man she loved, and the one he adored.
And to forget? All of it? To become the man instead?
The pain Cloud went through- still felt- the guilt of it all...]
Cloud...
[She gently tugged his hands. Tried to tug him to her for a gentle embrace.]
Come here.
[That was his burden. She didn't blame him a wit. The fact he survived after being drenched in mako was a miracle. But that wasn't the issue here.
They both needed to mourn to the person they loved, had left behind: Zack Fair.]
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Date: 2024-08-14 06:43 am (UTC)Most of all, he's never managed to mourn himself. The future that was destroyed in the flames. The years of his life - years when he should have been coming of age, maturing into an adult - taken from him, irretrievable. His sense of self, his identity, any understanding he ever had of who he was, shattered into a million pieces.
So when Aerith tugs him closer, he lets her. And when she gently wraps her arms around him, he returns it in kind, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair.]
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Date: 2024-08-14 03:46 pm (UTC)Instead, he had tragedy, again and again. It's no wonder he had sunk into pain, unable to breathe or reach out.
Aerith rubbed his back slowly, squeezing him. Trying to give him the chance he needed to breathe. Cloud...needed to breathe.
Aerith didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say to that. Nothing would make it better. But she could be here for him. Let him grieve, and encourage him to enjoy a good memory, after.]
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Date: 2024-09-25 06:23 am (UTC)Well, arguably what he was doing wasn't really 'living.' So maybe he didn't, after all.
There's even more to tell her, so much more, but Cloud thinks maybe he's done enough confessing for one day. Maybe both of them are better off if he stops here for now. They've got time, now. He can tell her the rest later.
...they've got time now. So what does he intend to do with it?
Eventually, he draws back from the embrace slowly with a deep sigh, though he keeps his hands resting on her shoulders for a moment.]
Thanks. For...letting me dump all this on you. It probably wasn't what you were hoping for when you came over.
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