"The girl, her mother was Empress. And I was her bodyguard. She was killed. Stabbed in some sort of plot for other people to grab the throne. Right in front of me and I was held back. Then they framed me for the murder."
He laughs and it's a bitter, ugly sound. "You're not a bad bodyguard. Shit happens."
Cloud's eyes widen and he sits up a little straighter, staring at Corvo for a moment before he lowers his gaze. What an awful situation. What a bullshit outcome. And yet...it isn't so dissimilar from what happened to Cloud, other than the framing afterward. And Cloud wouldn't have blamed him, so...maybe Corvo's right. Maybe shit does just happen, sometimes.
Maybe. Except there's so much more to it than Cloud's spoken aloud. It was Cloud's own unwillingness to open up to his friends that led them there. They didn't know how deeply Sephiroth had dug his claws in, and Cloud was too afraid, too ashamed, to tell them. And it was Aerith who paid for it.
"...Aerith was killed...right in front of me, too." He speaks slowly. Difficult to get the words out, but he wants to. He'll try. "Same guy who dropped a meteor on the planet. He...tried to make me do it, first. Psychic bullshit. Fought it long enough that he decided to take matters into his own hands, but...if he'd waited any longer, I..."
Corvo lets him talk a while, leaning forward on his elbow while he watches him. He doesn't know what sort of bullshit that this is, but already hates it for him. That isn't any way to live a life. That sort of guilt and anger is stifling.
Cloud drinks with him, draining the rest of the glass all at once just like the first. Enough of this pity party, Strife.
"I get enough," he says as he sets the glass back down and leans back in his seat, which is exactly as much of a deflection as it sounds like. Then, deadpan, "You know what they say. I'll sleep when I'm dead."
Corvo spreads out his hands and smiles at that. "Well. Apparently not." After all, they ended up on the barge after their deaths. And there's no rest here.
There sure isn't, for all that Cloud still often feels like he should be doing more. Doing something important. He's always been much better in go mode, under pressure, than when he's idle.
"So...figure anything more out about what you wanna do as a temp warden?"
He winces a little. "Hard to do without the whole fucking story," he points out. "But I can give you that. Shit that happens here. I'm still trying to figure it out myself."
"Mm. Maybe...that's a good way to look at it. You get an inmate to guide, I get a warden to learn from, and we try to figure it all out together."
A less stratified view on the warden-inmate dynamic than many on the Barge have, maybe, but it's the way Cloud would prefer it - and so far, none of his wardens have seemed to oppose it.
"Not long," he admits with a half shrug. "A matter of months. Less than a year. But I think I'm an exception to the rule. I had a very big - motivation for graduation."
A matter of months. Cloud's already been here a few months and he feels no closer at all.
Motivation - "The Empress' daughter," Cloud fills in, just for confirmation. He frowns, looking into his now-empty glass. "So...time passes at home while we're here, right?" He's always assumed it does, but now the question's in his mind.
"No. No time at all." He shakes his head. "When I went back, it was to the exact moment when I died. Only I was alive instead. The arrow hit behind me, not in me."
"Really?" Cloud's eyes widen a little, flicking back up to Corvo. No time passes...so he still has a chance to save Tifa, save Denzel, if he manages to get his shit together. He doesn't have to just pray they've survived in his absence.
He lets out a slow breath as the news settles in his mind, shoulders gradually relaxing. "Thanks. Guess I...could've asked somebody sooner." Half-wry, half-embarrassed. He spent all this time worrying over nothing. Not that he doesn't want to get back as soon as he can, for his own peace of mind if nothing else, but..it's not the crushing weight he thought it was.
Corvo shakes his head. "If this is the only thing I tell you, then I've done my damn job. There is nothing on this ship that is worth leaving behind a whole life," he tells him. "And that life is still out there, waiting for you to do whatever you need to do to make it right."
There is nothing on this ship that is worth leaving behind a whole life.
"...there's Aerith," Cloud suggests quietly. He feels awful suggesting that Aerith might be worth stalling a return to everything else, but...she's alive, here. Alive and real and warm, and they're closer now than they ever were back home. He doesn't know if he can handle losing her all over again.
Not to mention Zack...and Sephiroth...but those cans of worms can stay safely shut.
"You think Aerith can't handle herself?" he scoffs. "That she won't get her deal?"
He shakes his head. "You gotta trust her to do what she needs to do. And if she gets a whiff for a single damn second that you're thinking of not graduating because she's here, you know she's going to be angry." He's never actually seen her angry, but he's sure it happens!
Cloud gives him a flat look. "Not what I said." He huffs quietly. "But if you think Aerith's deal is about herself, think again. That's not how she rolls." That heavy weight from earlier settles onto his shoulders again. "She puts herself last, every time. Over and over. No, she'll be here until all of us leave first, no matter how many of her inmates graduate."
Unless she randomly disappears, but he's not even going to entertain a thought like that.
"No, it isn't," he agrees. "But there are more wardens who come here dead than you might think."
He sits back and takes a drink, but it's slow and thoughtful, considering Cloud across the way. "What would your deal be? If you stayed as a warden after you graduate?"
"Hm." Cloud frowns in thought. It's a question he's mulled over once or twice before, but one he's never really answered for himself.
"Not sure," he says softly, eventually. "There's...so much. But...mm. Think I'd focus on getting rid of Jenova for good. Cure geostigma. Maybe...bring back all the kids." He taps a finger on the table in thought. "Any idea whether the Admiral could change the past?"
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onlyembers
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Date: 2024-09-26 03:00 am (UTC)He laughs and it's a bitter, ugly sound. "You're not a bad bodyguard. Shit happens."
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Date: 2024-09-26 03:32 am (UTC)Maybe. Except there's so much more to it than Cloud's spoken aloud. It was Cloud's own unwillingness to open up to his friends that led them there. They didn't know how deeply Sephiroth had dug his claws in, and Cloud was too afraid, too ashamed, to tell them. And it was Aerith who paid for it.
"...Aerith was killed...right in front of me, too." He speaks slowly. Difficult to get the words out, but he wants to. He'll try. "Same guy who dropped a meteor on the planet. He...tried to make me do it, first. Psychic bullshit. Fought it long enough that he decided to take matters into his own hands, but...if he'd waited any longer, I..."
No. He just stops there.
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Date: 2024-09-26 06:40 pm (UTC)"You what?" he wonders softly, a gentle probe.
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Date: 2024-09-27 06:40 am (UTC)"...might not've been able to stop myself," he says quietly. "Sometimes, in my nightmares, I don't."
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Date: 2024-09-27 02:15 pm (UTC)"You get any sleep at all?" he wonders.
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Date: 2024-09-27 07:37 pm (UTC)"I get enough," he says as he sets the glass back down and leans back in his seat, which is exactly as much of a deflection as it sounds like. Then, deadpan, "You know what they say. I'll sleep when I'm dead."
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Date: 2024-09-28 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 03:33 am (UTC)"So...figure anything more out about what you wanna do as a temp warden?"
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Date: 2024-09-29 02:06 am (UTC)He tilts his glass towards him. "What do you want out of this?"
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Date: 2024-09-29 01:44 pm (UTC)"Guidance," he replies eventually. "I know I got a path laid out in front of me, but I can't see any landmarks. Coupla signposts'd go a long way."
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Date: 2024-09-29 05:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-02 04:45 am (UTC)A less stratified view on the warden-inmate dynamic than many on the Barge have, maybe, but it's the way Cloud would prefer it - and so far, none of his wardens have seemed to oppose it.
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Date: 2024-10-02 06:59 pm (UTC)And it suited him. He didn't need someone else telling him what to do. He needed someone to walk with him and challenge him.
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Date: 2024-10-03 10:50 pm (UTC)"How long did it take you? To graduate, I mean."
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Date: 2024-10-04 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-04 01:10 am (UTC)Motivation - "The Empress' daughter," Cloud fills in, just for confirmation. He frowns, looking into his now-empty glass. "So...time passes at home while we're here, right?" He's always assumed it does, but now the question's in his mind.
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Date: 2024-10-04 01:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-04 01:39 am (UTC)He lets out a slow breath as the news settles in his mind, shoulders gradually relaxing. "Thanks. Guess I...could've asked somebody sooner." Half-wry, half-embarrassed. He spent all this time worrying over nothing. Not that he doesn't want to get back as soon as he can, for his own peace of mind if nothing else, but..it's not the crushing weight he thought it was.
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Date: 2024-10-04 11:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-05 05:42 am (UTC)"...there's Aerith," Cloud suggests quietly. He feels awful suggesting that Aerith might be worth stalling a return to everything else, but...she's alive, here. Alive and real and warm, and they're closer now than they ever were back home. He doesn't know if he can handle losing her all over again.
Not to mention Zack...and Sephiroth...but those cans of worms can stay safely shut.
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Date: 2024-10-05 12:48 pm (UTC)He shakes his head. "You gotta trust her to do what she needs to do. And if she gets a whiff for a single damn second that you're thinking of not graduating because she's here, you know she's going to be angry." He's never actually seen her angry, but he's sure it happens!
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Date: 2024-10-06 07:25 am (UTC)Unless she randomly disappears, but he's not even going to entertain a thought like that.
He decides to just not address the second part.
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Date: 2024-10-06 11:57 am (UTC)He sits back and takes a drink, but it's slow and thoughtful, considering Cloud across the way. "What would your deal be? If you stayed as a warden after you graduate?"
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Date: 2024-10-09 05:57 am (UTC)"Not sure," he says softly, eventually. "There's...so much. But...mm. Think I'd focus on getting rid of Jenova for good. Cure geostigma. Maybe...bring back all the kids." He taps a finger on the table in thought. "Any idea whether the Admiral could change the past?"
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Date: 2024-10-09 04:40 pm (UTC)He clears his throat. "Maybe ask around to the ones who have gotten their deals. They might have a little more insight for you."