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[nimbuster]

Kink Konnection

CLOUD STRIFE | 21

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[nimbuster]

[Shit. That sounds...way too familiar, in all the worst ways. Part of him wants to tell Squall he's the wrong person for this, he should go find Nyx instead. That he might actually do the opposite of help. That he's an unreliable narrator for his own life, and has no business trying to help someone else keep track of reality.

But he can't just abandon Squall.

He shifts to lie down beside the brunet and wrap his arms around him, still stroking his hair.]

Just start with whatever's bothering you most. Or whatever comes to mind first.

[tripletriadking]

[There is a breath before he closes his eyes, trying to figure out where to start and deciding on the beginning for now.]

I was abandoned at an orphanage with my sister when I was really young. The country was at war then or had been and many were orphans from it. Grew up with a bunch of orphans too. My sister used to be my world though. When she left I felt....I felt really incomplete. She was all I had as family. I had friends though, Seifer, Zell, and a few others. Those two...I saw them in the Mansion. They came back to me....

[ He pauses for a moment and wipes a tear from his eyes.]

I was there friend and I forgot them.....multiple times. We..we have these things in my world. They are like Summons but different. They're called Guardian Forces. The more you use them and their power the more you forget. I was put into a military academy from the orphanage with a few others and the moment I started using the Guardian Forces....the more I forgot. I didn't even remember my time in the orphanage. All I knew was I was always alone...

[nimbuster]

[Cloud listens quietly, still not liking how familiar a lot of this continues to sound. He remembers Seifer, at least, although he was unconscious at the time so all Cloud knows is what he looks like, more or less.]

Well, you're not alone now. Focus on that.

[tripletriadking]

I know but...what if this is a dream too? You've never...we....Cloud what if this is just my mind playing tricks on me? What if this happiness with you is a lie and I'm going to wake up alone in my bed back home again waiting for the day you come back to me and you never will? What if I forget all about Seifer and Zell again? Forget all of this, forget Nyx....What if I forget you?

[It's at the mention of forgetting Cloud that he lets his tears fall down again. Forgetting any of this world would destroy him but losing Cloud again, forgetting him might tear his heart in two. He'd be lost to the darkness for sure. ]

[nimbuster]

...I've never what?

[It's hard for Cloud to come up with anything convincing to say, because he's had the same worries himself. His life here - or afterlife, or whatever - is too good to be true. If he thinks about it too much, it makes more sense for this to be the fantasy. Zack alive and well, Sephiroth back to his old self, getting officially made a SOLDIER First Class, so many people he cares about returning his feelings and accepting him as he is? It's absurd to think that's all truly happened, isn't it? Isn't it more likely that this is all a fever dream, a mako delusion, something Jenova has planted in his mind to keep him docile?

But he doesn't think talking about his own worries will do anything but make Squall's worse. Instead, he squeezes the brunet just a little tighter and tries to lighten his tone a bit, though there's an earnest warmth in it underneath the gentle sass.]

Nah, impossible. I'm unforgettable.

[He loosens his grip to lightly rub the tears from Squall's face with his thumb, and then rests his forehead against Squall's.]

You're not gonna wake up alone. Can't keep torturing yourself with what-ifs, or you'll miss out on that happiness you wanna hold onto so bad. ...Aerith once told me, 'we need to make the most of the time we have - to live our lives the way we wanna live. Every minute, every moment, matters.' So you gotta embrace the moments we've got while we got 'em. Right?

[tripletriadking]

Those soft touches were helping. It wasn't going to be a quick fix to get him down from his nightmare and panic but it was helping to feel that physical connection. His mind might be playing tricks on him but it wasn't able to convince him that what he was feeling was fake and he held onto that type.

"You're right...I know you're right. It's just..."

He leans more into the touch and doesn't take his eyes off Cloud. This man, this person means so much to him. He wouldn't be half of the person he was without him and feeling him so close is soothing. He takes a shaky breath in and leans in to give a sweet kiss to Cloud.

"Cloud...I think maybe it's time I tell you about us...from back home. The full story, maybe then you will understand why I...why I'm scared to lose you."

[nimbuster]

Cloud returns the kiss gently but doesn't linger on it.

"Okay. I'm listening. Take your time."