What happens? Corvo asks, and Cloud has to think about it because he's never actually had to tell this story to anyone before. Anyone he'd bother to talk to about it was part of it, or they already knew, like Zack and Yunlan. But really, there are only a few parts important enough to be worth telling to someone he just met.
"A lot. We failed to stop a meteor from crashing into the planet. And we failed to stop a giant Weapon from destroying the world's biggest city. Only reason the planet's still there is because Aerith helped us from the Lifestream long enough for me to take down the guy responsible. And then..."
Cloud takes another generous sip. "Turns out the Lifestream itself got corrupted, and it infected a lot of people with an incurable sickness. Geostigma. It's how I died."
It's a hell of a reductive and cynical take on what happened, and he knows he's leaving out things people call him a hero for and probably being unfair to all his friends who helped him, but he doesn't feel like a hero. Taking Sephiroth down was just finishing the job he started and cleaning up a mess he made himself, and then it turned out they didn't even finish Jenova in the process. There was a time when he felt good about it, he knows - a time when he felt at peace - but...he can't remember now what that was like.
That's a lot. That's a fucking lot of information and Corvo has to sit and ponder it for a while, sipping on his drink. He's quiet, almost like he isn't going to say anything, but after a long pause, a long beat, he sits up.
Disease, he knows. He isn't sure what a Lifestream is, but he know what disease does.
"And you don't know what happened after you died?"
Cloud lets the silence stand without interrupting it. He doesn't mind silence and he's not the chatty type at the best of times, which this definitely is not.
"A little. Two people here come from my future. They say I defeat the guy who used geostigma to resurrect himself again and it gets cured. Not sure if that's a sign I'll graduate or just...another version of me on another version of my world who didn't die when I did."
"There seems to be some of that going around. People knowing shit they shouldn't." He rubs the back of his neck, looking past him for a moment. "What do you think about graduation anyway?" Because Corvo sure didn't give a fuck when he first got here.
"Hm. S'why I'm here." Cloud glances up at Corvo, now. "Don't recall the details, but the Admiral offered me a second chance to fix everything I fucked up, and I took it."
He nods. "Better man than me," he remarks. "I came in and wanted nothing to do with this. Didn't want to graduate, didn't care about it. Killed nearly eight people my first night. Those signs on the wall? They're because of me."
Which he is exceptionally embarrassed about, but it's the truth.
"Didn't get the Admiral chat beforehand. Thought I was still at home or it was a trick of the god who decided to get involved in my life. I finally got stopped, but - wasn't my finest moment."
He sits back, clearly not finished, but taking a drink anyway. This is the most he's talked in a long time and it doesn't come naturally to him.
"I was killed when I was saving the young Empress. So the last thing I saw was her dangling over a lighthouse."
A trick of a god involved in his life...well, Sephiroth might not have become an actual god, but he sure acted like one, tricks and all. So Cloud can sympathize.
"The girl, her mother was Empress. And I was her bodyguard. She was killed. Stabbed in some sort of plot for other people to grab the throne. Right in front of me and I was held back. Then they framed me for the murder."
He laughs and it's a bitter, ugly sound. "You're not a bad bodyguard. Shit happens."
Cloud's eyes widen and he sits up a little straighter, staring at Corvo for a moment before he lowers his gaze. What an awful situation. What a bullshit outcome. And yet...it isn't so dissimilar from what happened to Cloud, other than the framing afterward. And Cloud wouldn't have blamed him, so...maybe Corvo's right. Maybe shit does just happen, sometimes.
Maybe. Except there's so much more to it than Cloud's spoken aloud. It was Cloud's own unwillingness to open up to his friends that led them there. They didn't know how deeply Sephiroth had dug his claws in, and Cloud was too afraid, too ashamed, to tell them. And it was Aerith who paid for it.
"...Aerith was killed...right in front of me, too." He speaks slowly. Difficult to get the words out, but he wants to. He'll try. "Same guy who dropped a meteor on the planet. He...tried to make me do it, first. Psychic bullshit. Fought it long enough that he decided to take matters into his own hands, but...if he'd waited any longer, I..."
Corvo lets him talk a while, leaning forward on his elbow while he watches him. He doesn't know what sort of bullshit that this is, but already hates it for him. That isn't any way to live a life. That sort of guilt and anger is stifling.
Cloud drinks with him, draining the rest of the glass all at once just like the first. Enough of this pity party, Strife.
"I get enough," he says as he sets the glass back down and leans back in his seat, which is exactly as much of a deflection as it sounds like. Then, deadpan, "You know what they say. I'll sleep when I'm dead."
Corvo spreads out his hands and smiles at that. "Well. Apparently not." After all, they ended up on the barge after their deaths. And there's no rest here.
There sure isn't, for all that Cloud still often feels like he should be doing more. Doing something important. He's always been much better in go mode, under pressure, than when he's idle.
"So...figure anything more out about what you wanna do as a temp warden?"
He winces a little. "Hard to do without the whole fucking story," he points out. "But I can give you that. Shit that happens here. I'm still trying to figure it out myself."
"Mm. Maybe...that's a good way to look at it. You get an inmate to guide, I get a warden to learn from, and we try to figure it all out together."
A less stratified view on the warden-inmate dynamic than many on the Barge have, maybe, but it's the way Cloud would prefer it - and so far, none of his wardens have seemed to oppose it.
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onlyembers
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Date: 2024-09-25 05:38 pm (UTC)"A lot. We failed to stop a meteor from crashing into the planet. And we failed to stop a giant Weapon from destroying the world's biggest city. Only reason the planet's still there is because Aerith helped us from the Lifestream long enough for me to take down the guy responsible. And then..."
Cloud takes another generous sip. "Turns out the Lifestream itself got corrupted, and it infected a lot of people with an incurable sickness. Geostigma. It's how I died."
It's a hell of a reductive and cynical take on what happened, and he knows he's leaving out things people call him a hero for and probably being unfair to all his friends who helped him, but he doesn't feel like a hero. Taking Sephiroth down was just finishing the job he started and cleaning up a mess he made himself, and then it turned out they didn't even finish Jenova in the process. There was a time when he felt good about it, he knows - a time when he felt at peace - but...he can't remember now what that was like.
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Date: 2024-09-25 07:09 pm (UTC)Disease, he knows. He isn't sure what a Lifestream is, but he know what disease does.
"And you don't know what happened after you died?"
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Date: 2024-09-25 08:17 pm (UTC)"A little. Two people here come from my future. They say I defeat the guy who used geostigma to resurrect himself again and it gets cured. Not sure if that's a sign I'll graduate or just...another version of me on another version of my world who didn't die when I did."
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Date: 2024-09-25 11:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-25 11:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-26 12:14 am (UTC)Which he is exceptionally embarrassed about, but it's the truth.
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Date: 2024-09-26 12:29 am (UTC)But then he blinks, brows lifting, then furrowing. "Why'd you do it?"
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Date: 2024-09-26 12:41 am (UTC)He sits back, clearly not finished, but taking a drink anyway. This is the most he's talked in a long time and it doesn't come naturally to him.
"I was killed when I was saving the young Empress. So the last thing I saw was her dangling over a lighthouse."
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Date: 2024-09-26 02:40 am (UTC)"Shit. Do you know if she survived?"
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Date: 2024-09-26 02:43 am (UTC)And he made sure to see it in real time before he left. Time would stop, the world would stop, and he has only the image of her safe.
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Date: 2024-09-26 02:52 am (UTC)"Well...Aerith's fine now, I suppose. No thanks to me. Some bodyguard I turned out to be."
And that thought is worth a fairly sizeable sip of his drink.
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Date: 2024-09-26 03:00 am (UTC)He laughs and it's a bitter, ugly sound. "You're not a bad bodyguard. Shit happens."
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Date: 2024-09-26 03:32 am (UTC)Maybe. Except there's so much more to it than Cloud's spoken aloud. It was Cloud's own unwillingness to open up to his friends that led them there. They didn't know how deeply Sephiroth had dug his claws in, and Cloud was too afraid, too ashamed, to tell them. And it was Aerith who paid for it.
"...Aerith was killed...right in front of me, too." He speaks slowly. Difficult to get the words out, but he wants to. He'll try. "Same guy who dropped a meteor on the planet. He...tried to make me do it, first. Psychic bullshit. Fought it long enough that he decided to take matters into his own hands, but...if he'd waited any longer, I..."
No. He just stops there.
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Date: 2024-09-26 06:40 pm (UTC)"You what?" he wonders softly, a gentle probe.
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Date: 2024-09-27 06:40 am (UTC)"...might not've been able to stop myself," he says quietly. "Sometimes, in my nightmares, I don't."
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Date: 2024-09-27 02:15 pm (UTC)"You get any sleep at all?" he wonders.
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Date: 2024-09-27 07:37 pm (UTC)"I get enough," he says as he sets the glass back down and leans back in his seat, which is exactly as much of a deflection as it sounds like. Then, deadpan, "You know what they say. I'll sleep when I'm dead."
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Date: 2024-09-28 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 03:33 am (UTC)"So...figure anything more out about what you wanna do as a temp warden?"
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Date: 2024-09-29 02:06 am (UTC)He tilts his glass towards him. "What do you want out of this?"
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Date: 2024-09-29 01:44 pm (UTC)"Guidance," he replies eventually. "I know I got a path laid out in front of me, but I can't see any landmarks. Coupla signposts'd go a long way."
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Date: 2024-09-29 05:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-02 04:45 am (UTC)A less stratified view on the warden-inmate dynamic than many on the Barge have, maybe, but it's the way Cloud would prefer it - and so far, none of his wardens have seemed to oppose it.
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Date: 2024-10-02 06:59 pm (UTC)And it suited him. He didn't need someone else telling him what to do. He needed someone to walk with him and challenge him.
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Date: 2024-10-03 10:50 pm (UTC)"How long did it take you? To graduate, I mean."
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